The Four Keys to Self-Love Mastery

Understanding our deepest needs and taking responsibility for becoming the source of their fulfillment creates a relational field that is, simply, magnetic to great love.

Mastering self-love enables us to become a co-creative woman capable of true partnership rather than an insatiable little girl looking for love in—literally—all the wrong places. Self-love, at its very essence, means relating to ourselves in ways that reflect the deepest truth of who we are. And, as we awaken, we realize the foundational root of our suffering has to do with this lack of quality presence in our own inner world.

Key One: The first key to self-love mastery begins with creating a separation between our adult self and younger—or less developed—self that lives in our body. The adult self is the one who knows, without even thinking, how to be powerfully present with a lost child. The younger somatic self experiences life emotionally and often from a place of stunted meaning-making. Very often, these two selves have been collapsed.

Key Two: Secondly, we must bring these two parts of ourselves into meaningful, beautiful and corrective relationship. This involves the adult self turning her full attention toward the younger somatic self as a path of practice. This means consciously becoming that depth of presence the younger self has been missing. It’s being the one to guide her meaning-making and, therefore, identity development in ways that matter most.

Key Three: Vital to self-love mastery is this third key which enables us to welcome and witness the inner experience of our younger self. Not even her scariest or hardest emotion is too much for the adult you. This is very different from simply “feeling your feelings.” This is being in relationship with the part of us having the feelings from our own deeper, wider, center. “Honey, sit here beside me and tell me all about it.” This particular practice of turning toward and welcoming in whatever is present for the younger somatic self gives access to the very source of self-love.

Key Four:  The fourth key is all about properly naming the feelings and needs of the self in our body. This capacity is critical for creating a quality, thriving, relationship with our self. “What are you feeling? What do you need? I can see that you’re feeling…I can see that you need…” When we’re able to name our feelings as well as needs, we develop the capacity to hold, contain and love ourselves at a new level. In turn, the quality of our self-love will be mirrored in our relationship with another.

What does self-love mean to you? What new steps can you take to be more powerfully present in your own inner world?


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Written By Melissa Erin Monahan

Melissa Erin Monahan, M.A., LCAT is a passionate facilitator of transformation on the deepest level of identity in service to co-creating a life that mirrors your soul. Trained and mentored by Katherine Woodward Thomas and Claire Zammit, she is a Certified Conscious Uncoupling, Calling in “The One” and Feminine Power Transformative Coach, as well as New York State Licensed Creative Arts Therapist. She earned her Master of Arts in Drama Therapy from New York University while holding a Bachelor’s in Journalism from Marist College. Melissa is author of Becoming a Feminine Co-Creator in the internationally bestselling anthology In Pursuit of the Divine: Written Stories to Empower a Woman’s Soul. A Certified Feminine Power Transformative Leader, Melissa offers virtual workshops with Feminine Rising Sanctuary, live workshops in the New York City-Metro Area and private coaching worldwide. “Melissa is a master who has a gift for healing, helping and transcending. I have been a consumer of all things therapy, self-help and 12-steps for 20 years. I can honestly say this was the most successful experience.” ~ Michelle, New York City Visit or