I’ve been on a steady diet of organic food, energy supplements (like spirulina, bee pollen, maca, acai) and daily exercise for two decades. I meditate, I practice yoga and Pilates. One of my favorite and most powerful energy sources is one that is vastly under-looked in our modern world:
We live in a culture that has a bipolar relationship to sex–we see passionate sex exalted everywhere, like advertising, film, music–but we are not encouraged to openly have it and enjoy it. Often people consider sex as an incidental or small part of their committed relationship, when in reality sex is the glue and the turbo-power source that can fuel your entire lives.
It wasn’t always this way. The under-appreciation, that is.
In ancient cultures like pre-Vedic, Tantric India and Taoist China, sex was considered healthy, essential and a means to liberate spiritual energy. Ancient Taoist physicians mapped out sexual reflexology points on the penis and vulva, demonstrating that devoted stimulation of these zones would lead to balanced health. They also prescribed sexual positions to cure different ailments. For example, a woman experiencing kidney depletion would be advised to insert a lot of reverse cowgirl into her regimen. In fact, she’d receive a prescription to do so: Please go home and have sex in that position three times a day for the next thirty days.
What a prescription.
The physiological benefits in the form of hormonal highs also keep you in fine spirits– mind, body and soul. Oxytocin, dopamine, estrogen are all released in the ascent to orgasm and afterwards. Oxytocin creates contentment and a sense of well-being. Dopamine gets you in gear to achieve in the world. Increased estrogen production contributes to shiny hair and skin. Plus, the more sex you have, the more attractive you appear to others. The secretion of pheromones increases as you are more sexually active, drawing others to you.
It’s the best kind of perfume.
Besides elevating your mood and imbibing you with beauty, frequent sex with your lover is one of the most important ways to stay connected with each other. Sex is the glue. It’s not a small part of your relationship–it’s huge. When sexual intimacy is neglected over time, we feel it (even if we adapt to it) and our relationship suffers for it. Not to mention the rest of our lives.
If we look at all the pieces of ourselves–physical health, finances, spiritual growth–the one that has almost more impact than any other is our intimate connection. When it’s thriving, other parts of our lives thrive. We become attentive, patient parents and friends, we are creative and easygoing at work, and we have a more optimistic outlook on life in general. However, when our sexual expression withers, so does everything else. Maybe not right away, but eventually. I see it time and time again.
I was working with a couple who had been together for ten years. Over time, their sex had become less frequent and less exciting. They, like most couples, focused more on other parts of their lives rather than nurturing their connection with each other, failing to realize that this is their power source. By the time they came to see me, he had become impotent sexually and was working in a job he tolerated rather than a career he loved. She had only had a handful of orgasms in her life and also worked at a “job” (rather than a fulfilling vocation) she wanted to change.
After several months of working together, a referral to a naturopath and them getting back on track with making their relationship a primary focus, things improved. He regained his sexual prowess, she experienced orgasms and they overall felt much more connected. In their outer lives, he began focusing on his secret passion–filmmaking. She quit her job and found another position she was ecstatic about. I see these events as all being inter-related. Once their relationship righted its course, the benefits flowed out to all parts of their lives.
The bedroom and our sexuality becomes a microcosm. When we are creatively and powerfully expressing our true natures, we feel the benefits everywhere. Our lives and capacity for pleasure expand.
So how do we get there? In our busy modern lives, what does it mean to prioritize sex and intimacy? How do we make time to nurture this incredible source of vitality and energy? Please share with me what you do.
At May’s Diva Date Night in Vancouver, I’ll be facilitating the evening on this very topic: Why sex matters and how to reignite the spark if it’s gone out. Join us on May 10th and 12th
Kim Anami, www.BodaciousLifeCoaching.com, is a provocateur and catalyst for deep change. Drawing on two decades of study and practice in the sexual and health realm, she has coached thousands of people over the years to lead more fulfilling and sexually abundant lives and loves. She believes a thriving sex life is a major, overlooked component to a vibrant relationship and life. Sexual energy is our super fuel, and much of her work focuses on showing people how this is true and how to infuse more sexual vitality into their lives. Kim has been featured in Flare magazine, the Georgia Straight, on Vancouver’s Breakfast Television and Urban Rush for her ideas on sophisticated sex. She writes for Playboy magazine and CrazySexyLife.com in addition to her own blog.