Welcome: Releas~ING Romantic Illusions
I have committed to a year-long book experiment to write about my personal experience with the book, “Add more ~Ing to your Life”. Each month, I focus on a specific topic and then apply the ~Ing equation.
2. Rethinking + Moving
3. Meditation + Writing
Month #5 was all about romance and special relationships. I could have easily spent the whole year just on this chapter. I felt like Carrie from Sex and the City as I researched love, romance, commitment, and marriage. Minus the fabulous shoes.
I agree with Gabby in that romantic relationships are amazing learning opportunities. Many times they can be painful, but nonetheless, learning and growing is what life is all about. These foundational ~Ing principles are consistent throughout the book are crucial to understand romance.
1. Each of us is complete on our own.
2. Our outer life is a reflection of our inner thoughts and feelings.
3. Happiness is found within each one of us.
Upon reading, I think most people can intellectually understand these concepts. The KEY for me was applying, embodying, and living them. This took awareness, commitment, and constant shifts in perception.
I became a relationship detective and went into observation and research mode. I started with the person that is sometimes hardest to observe…myself. What I found is that I have many mixed views on romance. I tend to be overly independent and embrace the view of “I don’t need a man.” yet I am also overly emotional and enjoy romance and love. My underlying fear is commitment. Think of me as the runaway bride. Running shoes. A much better fit than Sex and the City heels.
RETHINKING: To overcome your ego’s misconceptions of romance, you must begin by changing your mind.
So instead of running from my romantic fears, I began to turn within and release these illusions. I spent some time with my ego and my fears. As we all know, our Ego’s are romance killers. The ego consists of all your fearful thoughts and insecurities.”when ego enters a romantic relationship, all hell breaks loose”. Ego thoughts leave us feeling “incomplete”, “unworthy”, “needy”, “drama-addicted”, “self sacrificing”, “empty”, and “out of control”. The result of these feelings is a dis-empowered life where you give away all your power and believe that other people are responsible for your happiness.
I started to rethink my fear of commitment. The first thing I needed to commit to was myself. I learned that my fear of commitment really didn’t have anything to do with another person. I wasn’t fully committed to myself. What does a commitment to yourself look like? Here is what I discovered on my romantic ~Ing journey:
1. Put just as much energy into yourself and your friendships as you do with your romantic partner.
2. Forgive yourself and others for not being perfect and living up to your self-imposed expectations.
3. Treat yourself how you would like to be treated. Make yourself feel special. Know yourself.
As my commitment to myself deepened, my current romantic relationship deepened. As I continued to love and approved of myself, I was able to share this love and show up as my authentic self in ALL my relationships. As found romance in being with myself, I was able to open myself to more romance in all areas of my life.
Along with committing to myself, my romantic detective work revealed that I also needed to challenge and release some societal romantic illusions that were causing me unnecessary stress. Here is what I found: Your life can totally rock if you are single. You can feel good about yourself when you are alone and enjoy your own company. You don’t need a man to complete you. There is no “right” age to get married. There is no rule saying you have to get married. Your happiness does not depend on another person. There is no “perfect” love.
I think it is important to discover what feels right for you. Look and feel within. Regardless of what society says. Make your own rules. Honor yourself. Romance is yours to define.
RETHINKING + MOVING: Ignite your Inner Light
Equipped with my new romantic views, I explored exercise and movement that made me feel alive. I was drawn to spinning class and hiking. I was able to feel a physical release of my fears. This felt great! As Gabby emphasizes in the book, our mind and body are interconnected. Always. Taking care of your body with exercise is also a fabulous way to exercise self love.
Get your groove on…..move it AND lose and release those blocks to love.
RECEIVING: Meditating and Writing
Quieting my mind and getting cozy with my fears during my daily meditation helped become aware of my romantic illusions. I openly received my thoughts and learned where I needed to release.
Because of my meditation routine, I feel more confident. I feel love inside me. I feel more at peace when I sit in silence. I have tapped into the knowing that I am whole and complete.
I challenge you to confront and release your own romantic illusions. Fall in love with yourself and your life. You are worthy of the very best!
” All the awesomeness you desire already lives inside you.”